


Revisited

by holly_writes_things



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-01 14:16:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13296633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holly_writes_things/pseuds/holly_writes_things
Summary: This, Kakashi would reflect later, was the first time he became acutely aware of it, the hazy existence of history, the knowledge of years beyond his current years, the feeling of something thatwasbut notis.orThe reincarnation AU that nobody wanted, in which Kakashi is the owner of a small inn and Gai is a mailman that comes through town sometimes.





	1. Youth

Growing up, Kakashi was convinced that he remembered the day of his birth. It was really only one thing, a single memory that stood out like a rocky island jutting out of the gentle sea, and he was convinced he had seen it clearly, with his own eyes. It was the brim of the basin where he had received his first bath. It was a brand new basin, and its wooden surface had been polished to a smooth finish. Even as an adult, he could remember the ray of light striking it on the brim. The wood gleamed only in that one spot and seemed to be made of gold. Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could still see the tongue-tips of water lapping up at that one spot, like tiny shining heads forever bumping together. He trusted this memory even after being told that he was born at night, and believed in it always, even if he stopped mentioning it to people. 

When he was a child, Kakashi’s father always told him how lucky he was to be born into a time of peace, after all the fighting, after the fourth great shinobi war. His father always told him stories of the shinobi that used to occupy the rooms of their inn, how he used to lodge great warriors, and how their inn used to be so full that soldiers often had to sleep on futons spread out on the floor in the lobby. Usually, they had been injured and were recovering, because as his father told him, real shinobi didn’t stay in hotels. Now, even at its busiest their inn was only ever filled to half capacity. 

Located in a very small village halfway between the Land of Fire and the Land of Earth, their inn was made of wood and had only three stories. The first floor was completely given over to the lobby and a small dining room that, with no wall or divider to separate the two of them, spread into one another without much division. The second and third floors contained rooms usually occupied by travelers and tourists, vagabonds and peddlers. And mailmen. 

Kakashi felt as if he had known Gai his entire life, although he knew that couldn’t be true because he logically had to have known Gai’s father first. The Maitos weren’t messengers exactly, but they carried letters and packages all across the world, things that were too unimportant to be guarded by shinobi and too heavy to be sent by bird. 

Even though Kakashi and his father didn’t get much mail, the Maitos always stayed at their inn whenever they were passing through town. Gai was a little bit older than him and had accompanied his father on his first messenger trip when he was only six. Kakashi, a toddler at the time, remembered sitting on the edge of a long wooden table in the dining room, swinging his legs, while his father and Gai’s father shared a drink and talked about the Maitos’ travels. Gai, who was very dedicated to the profession even at his young age, fidgeted in his seat. Eventually, Gai tugged on his father’s shirt and asked if they should really be stopping so soon. 

Gai’s face was round, but his eyebrows were set in determination. “The sun hasn’t even gone down yet.” 

Dai Maito beamed with pride and lifted Gai onto his knee. Kakashi’s father smiled and said something about Gai being a great mailman one day. 

Kakashi, still undecided on the new, serious child, watched Gai with a suspicious eye. “You should relax more,” he said, “there will always be tomorrow.” 

That made both the adults chuckle, but even at his young age Kakashi was struck by how very odd it felt to say those words, like he hadn’t been able to say them before, like the concept of relaxation, until that very moment, had been unfamiliar. 

Still seated on his father’s lap, Gai looked up at him with wide, searching eyes, and Kakashi knew that Gai somehow understood what he was feeling—the oddity of peace—and felt it as well. 

When they got older and no longer required constant supervision, he and Gai always went out to play in the village. The townspeople all knew Kakashi, and most of them, by that point, were acquainted with Gai as well. He and Gai quickly learned how to work the other villagers' affection to their advantage, and mastered the exact sweet look to give the woman who owned the bakery in exchange for free desserts. Often, they went even beyond the confines of the village, and played in the long grass fields to the east, or the thick patches of forest to the south. 

Shortly after their first meeting, Gai started to bring him things, little trinkets and souvenirs from the places he had visited. Kakashi had never left his hometown, but because of Gai he had a colorful map of the Land of Water, an unopened kite from the Land of Wind, and a dozen other small keepsakes. 

The year Kakashi turned eight, Gai brought him something slightly different from the usual souvenirs. Gai pulled him aside and showed it to him in secret. 

It was a kunai, with a worn leather wrapping on the handle and a very dull point. 

“I found it in the forest just outside of Konoha,” Gai said excitedly, "just imagine where this thing has been, it could have taken down a great warrior for all we know.” 

Even as a child, Kakashi had the good sense to doubt this hypothesis, but he didn’t want to disappoint Gai and nodded in agreement. At his own suggestion, the two of them went to forest to practice throwing it. 

It was a warm summer day and the air was thick, so they were both relieved when they reached the cover of the forest. Gai used the kunai to cut a circular target into a large oak tree and then walked back to Kakashi, roughly twenty feet away. Gai threw first, making a grand display of winding up his arm. He threw with a great strength, and even though he missed the tree entirely, the kunai flew deep into the forest. 

Gai’s cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, but he handled the failure good-naturedly and hurried to get the kunai. He returned a few minutes later, jogging and somewhat breathless. 

“Sorry, it took me a while to find it,” he said, “your turn.” 

Kakashi took the kunai. It odd in his fingertips, like something cursed. It felt wrong. He took up a combative stance, his back foot sliding into place like it had been carefully practiced. Gai stood back and watched, and Kakashi knew he was impressed. Knowing that made him feel better and a little braver. He raised his arm and bent his elbow, bringing the kunai about even with his ear. Keeping his wrist straight, he swung his arm with all his might. The moment the kunai left his fingertips, his feeling of unease slipped into terror. This, Kakashi would reflect later, was the first time he became acutely aware of it, the hazy existence of history, the knowledge of years beyond his current years, the feeling of something that _was_ but not _is_. 

Once the kunai was in the air, Kakashi saw the figure of a man, tall and menacing, standing in front of the tree they had made their target. He cried out, and reached for the kunai again with his fingers, but it was too late. The kunai sank into the man’s stomach, all the way up to the handle. Kakashi had never seen that much blood before, had only ever seen it in small amounts, as the result of papercuts and skinned elbows. The man dropped to his knees at the same moment that Kakashi did, and they both hunched over and onto the ground. Kakashi heard the same awful words repeating in his head, ceaseless, unrelenting; _I’m a killer_. 

Gai was at his side in an instant, and Kakashi felt an arm clutch around his shoulders. He couldn’t exactly hear what Gai was saying, but Gai’s breath felt comforting against his cheek. When Kakashi finally raised his head the man was gone, and he saw the kunai, free from any trace of blood, firmly planted at the very center of the circle that Gai had cut into the tree. Even though the man had vanished, Kakashi felt with unshakable certainty that somewhere, somehow he _was_ a killer, he was a cut-throat, a butcher of men. He placed his hands out in front of himself and vomited on the forest floor. He felt Gai’s hand gently rubbing his back. 

“You’re okay,” Gai said seriously, “I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

When Kakashi had finished vomiting, Gai removed the kunai from the tree. He didn’t try to congratulate Kakashi on his aim, for which Kakashi was grateful. Without any hesitation or ceremony, Gai dug a small hole with his hands and buried the kunai. 

Dizzy and barely conscious, Kakashi only half-felt Gai lift him onto his back, with his arms hooked under each of Kakashi’s knees. Still murmuring soft comforts, Gai carried him across town and back to the inn. Looking back on the memory, Kakashi could only recall the warmth of the sun, the gentle rocking with every step, and the earthy smell of Gai’s hair. He remembered nothing else about the journey, not their arrival at the inn, or the two days he spent with a severe fever. 

When he awoke on the third day, finally lucid, his father told him the Gai and his father were gone once more, off to another city and another inn. Though young at the time, Kakashi was hit with a sudden, extreme feeling of grief. This was the first time he ever regretted the confines of Gai’s profession. In the wake of a breaking fever, he wanted to see Gai immediately, and missed him deeply. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back with some more KakaGai! I really wanted to post this during KakaGai week but I got sick and it just wasn't happening. I also really wanted to post the whole fic at once - it's only the end that's not done - but I got impatient OTL the good news is the updates should be really fast for a while! Thank you so much for reading!


	2. Loss

In January of the year Kakashi turned twelve, his father got sick. It happened quickly, and at least he didn’t suffer for very long. Kakashi was glad about that at least, but the fast progression of the illness didn’t give him much time to think about what he would do if the worst happened, before the doctor hung his head and packed up his equipment, and then it had already happened. 

Gai and his father just barely missed the funeral, which was small and held in the morning. The winter ground was hard, and it took half a dozen townspeople a long time to dig the grave. Kakashi helped them do it, focused and silent. The shovel felt rough in his fingers, which he held with steady hands, unguarded by gloves. 

Afterward, he went inside the inn to speak with the banker who had arrived the night before. The man was short and smelled like mothballs. Kakashi’s father had borrowed money to build the inn, and had almost paid off the loan before his death. Lacking any sort of compassion, the banker explained Kakashi's two options. In the first one, the bank would place a proxy in charge of the hotel while Kakashi worked off the rest of the loan. Once it was paid off, and once he was old enough, the inn would be his. The alternative to this deal, the banker explained, was a complete repossession of the hotel by the bank. 

Kakashi listened to him numbly, and had a very hard time comprehending what the banker was telling him. He was just about to sign the paperwork agreeing to the first option when the Maitos stepped through the door, their faces gaunt and colorless. They had heard what had happened on their way through town. Gai rushed forward and hugged him. Despite the cold outside, Gai’s arms were warm, and Kakashi felt it like a sudden expanse of sun. He felt his fortitude slowly begin to unravel and pulled away. 

Gai’s father looked over the banker with suspicion. With Kakashi’s permission, the banker repeated the two options so that Gai and his father could hear them. Dai stroked his chin as he listened, and afterward leaned towards the banker, his expression both threatening and protective. 

“There’s no reason he has to make his decision right this second.” Dai put a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. “He deserves several days to think it over.” 

The banker looked unhappy, but Dai was six inches taller and broader than him, so he had no choice but to concede. Shortly afterward, the banker excused himself and disappeared up the stairs. 

Once he was gone, Kakashi turned to Dai. “Thanks.” He said it because he was grateful, but also because he felt like it was what he was supposed to say. He still felt detached, like there was some disconnect between what he was seeing and what he was understanding. 

Looking nervous, Gai cleared his throat. “Kakashi...would it be okay if I went to see your dad?” 

Kakashi felt his heart sink down into his stomach. “Sure,” he said, “but I have to watch the front desk.” 

Gai nodded, but Dai stepped forward. “Why don’t you boys go ahead,” he gave them a small smile, “I think I’ve been here enough times to run the operation for a few minutes.” 

Kakashi shrugged and couldn't bring himself to care about the break in protocol; Dai knew where the keys were kept, and it wasn’t terribly difficult to figure out how to work a cash register. Anyway, they wouldn’t be gone long. 

“Okay.” 

He led Gai out of the lobby and into the small dining room, where a door at the back of the room led to the backyard. Kakashi’s father had always wanted to build a small patio and garden off the back exit, but he had never found the time, so instead Kakashi and Gai stepped out on an expanse of frost-covered grass. His father’s grave was roughly forty feet from the back door. To some people it might have seemed macabre to bury one’s parents in the backyard, but their town had no cemetery, so it was a fairly common practice. Either way, Kakashi couldn’t have thought of anywhere other than their backyard to bury his father, because it was where his mother was buried as well. 

Kakashi raised his arm and pointed at the two graves, which were small and erected side by side. Gai walked up to them, but Kakashi chose to stand several feet behind him. He couldn't explain it, but now that the grave was dug and the casket lowered, now that it had been covered with fresh dirt and bright flowers, the spot felt forbidden somehow, and he didn’t want to be close to it. 

Gai knelt in the cold grass. Kakashi couldn’t remember the last time Gai had stayed at their inn, or rather, he couldn’t remember anything out of the ordinary happening at the time. There had been no prolonged goodbye, no premonitions of impending loss. Gai bowed his head and spoke in a strong voice, loud enough that Kakashi could hear. He began somewhat oddly. 

“My dad and I don’t have a house.” 

A long pause followed these words, and Kakashi wondered if he had heard him wrong. 

“We move around a lot, and everything we own we carry with us. Since I started traveling with my dad, I haven’t slept in the same bed for more than a week. I’ve been everywhere, I’ve met a lot of nice people, and I really like the way my father and I live.” Gai took a deep breath. “But every time I see the sign pointing towards this town, I always feel like I am coming home. And I have you to thank for that.” 

Kakashi swallowed hard. Even though he didn’t remember his mother’s death, even though he had lost no one else until the day before, death felt familiar. It felt normal, somehow expected. He didn’t cry—not because he wasn't sad—but because he knew exactly where to lock up the emotion. Almost inherently, he knew where to hide his grief and how buried it, so that it was hidden so deep down that he didn’t have to look at it. Gai, on the other hand, knew exactly how to draw out Kakashi's sadness and shed light on it, like it was some ingrained skill. 

“I've always thought of this town as my home because of your kindness. You took in people from everywhere, people who were tired and hungry, people who needed rest.” Gai's voice faltered for the first time. “You took us in, and I wish I had thanked you for that. I will never forget it. I love this inn like it’s a person, and I know my dad does too.” Gai’s voice suddenly got much quieter and Kakashi couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, but he thought he heard his own name. Gai finished like that, softly and in private. 

Kakashi saw Gai wipe his eyes as he stood up. Gai walked back past him, returning to the inn, but stopped when he realized that Kakashi was not with him. 

Kakashi felt as if the grass had wound up around his shoes, holding him there, and he couldn’t move. He looked at Gai, his face pale and contorted. He didn’t know why, didn’t know if maybe it was part of becoming an adult, but he found it incredibly hard to ask for a hug. His mouth went dry and he could only say Gai’s name, could only say it once. 

“Gai...” 

It was enough. He was in Gai’s arms in seconds, held tightly like the child he didn't like to believe that he was. Kakashi felt tears run in cold rivers down his cheeks. He could hear Gai whispering gentle tokens of sympathy against his ear, but Kakashi couldn’t make out the words. He felt better just listening to the sound of Gai’s voice, and the specific things he said didn’t matter nearly as much as the fact that he was saying them. Over Gai’s shoulder, he could see the blurred outline of the inn. 

Eventually, after Kakashi had stopped crying, they walked together back inside the inn. Kakashi thanked Dai for watching the front desk, and almost immediately Dai pulled Gai aside and began speaking to him in a hushed voice. Kakashi walked into the dining room and sat alone in a chair by the fireplace. Feeling a surge of gratitude, he realized that Dai had restocked the firewood. A moment later both father and son appeared at his side, looking rather pleased with themselves. 

“We were wondering how you’d feel about Gai staying here with you for a few days,” Dai began, “I’m delivering something to the Land of Water and should be back in about a week.” 

Gai's eyebrows were set with determined. “I can help you out around the inn.” 

Kakashi easily saw through to their kind intentions, and he didn’t need persuading. “Okay,” he said slowly, “if you’re helping out then your room will be free.” He gave Gai a weak smile. “But I’m gonna make you work hard.” 

Gai’s father laughed and put a hand on each of their shoulders. “If that’s settled then I’ll get going.” He hesitated, and then made an awkward gesture to the back door. “I’m going to say goodbye.” He walked past them and stepped out into the backyard. 

Kakashi watched out the window as Dai knelt in front of the graves just the way that Gai had. Dai stayed there for what felt like a very long time, and then moved in a circle around the inn, leaving without coming back inside. 

Once he was out of sight, Kakashi turned to Gai. “Why doesn’t your dad need a room tonight?” 

“We were actually just passing through today,” Gai said, “we didn’t intend to spend the night.” He looked around. “Is there anything you need help with right now?” 

Kakashi glanced at the clock on the wall. They still had several hours until all the guests came down for dinner, but he didn’t have anything else to do and didn’t want to just sit there. He was lucky there weren’t many people staying with them that night, just the banker and a young married couple who were on their way to their honeymoon destination. Without speaking, Kakashi got up and led Gai to the small kitchen through a door behind the front desk. Together they prepared a thick beef stew in a large pot on the stove. They were mostly quiet while they worked, and Kakashi only spoke to give patient instructions. He had made two loaves of bread the night before, and at exactly seven o’clock they carried the simple meal out into the dining room. Usually, all the guests ate together and shared stories about their travels, but tonight the married couple and the banker sat at separate tables and ate in silence. The events of the day certainly weren’t lost on them, and Kakashi didn’t blame them for being reclusive; he didn’t know how patrons of a hotel were supposed to react in that situation. 

Kakashi and Gai also ate alone at a table in front of the fireplace, again without talking. Kakashi stared blankly down at his food, unable to remember what it was like to feel hungry. His small piece of bread had gone soggy in the broth. 

“Kakashi,” Gai’s voice surprised him. He looked up and saw that some time had passed and they were now alone in the dining room. All the other guests had eaten quickly and left their wooden bowls on the tables and gone upstairs. Kakashi looked at Gai’s bowl and, seeing that it was empty, pushed his own cup of stew across the table. 

“You can have it,” he said, “I’m not hungry.” 

Gai ignored the stew and looked him in the eyes. “Do you know what you’re going to do? About the banker, I mean.” 

Kakashi appraised him for a moment, and realized that Gai had wanted to ask him that all evening. “I’m going to sign it,” he said, “I don’t want to lose the inn.” 

Gai nodded slowly, his expression conflicted, like he was biting his tongue. 

“ _What?_ ” Kakashi's eyebrows sank into a glare. 

Gai cleared his throat, and it was clear that he was trying to be gentle. “Well—and I know it’s entirely your decision—but I think you should think it over carefully. You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.” Gai tried to smile at him. “You’re really smart, you could so just about anything.” 

“I want to do this.” Kakashi’s voice was accusatory. “You said you considered this place your home, why do you want me to get rid of it?” 

“I _do_ consider it my home,” Gai insisted, “but just because a place is your home doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever.” 

Kakashi leaned back in his seat and felt all the anger go out of him. He realized that he had never really understood Gai until that moment; he knew that Gai believed the inn was his home, but Gai didn’t, _couldn’t_ , really know what that meant. Kakashi felt suddenly very far away from him. 

“I just want to make sure you’re sure.” Gai pushed the bowl of stew out of the way and reached across the table to take Kakashi’s hand. “I’d be glad if you kept the inn, really, it makes me happy to know that I’ll still be able to stay here and see you.” Gai squeezed his fingers and Kakashi squeezed back briefly, to show that he wasn’t mad. 

“You must be tired,” Gai said gently, “do you want to go upstairs?” 

Kakashi felt all the blood drain from his face. “No.” He didn’t want to go upstairs to the room he used to live in with his father, he didn’t want to go upstairs and be alone. 

Gai nodded like he understood. They didn’t talk anymore, but stayed there until the fire dwindled and went out. Eventually, Kakashi fell asleep with his cheek pressed against the wooden table, his fingers still intertwined with Gai’s. 

He awoke to sunlight streaming through the windows and a small pool of drool on the table. Gai was asleep across from him, and he saw that their fingers were still barely touching. He felt the setting change and the sun sink down again. It was almost the same scene, only he was a little younger. He could still see Gai’s hand, much smaller in the memory, held tightly in his own from one futon away. It lasted only a moment, and then the sun flared brightly once more and Kakashi laid his head back down on the table. He stayed there until the banker came downstairs, and then he finally let go of Gai’s hand to sign the contract. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos on the first chapter <3 I'm very excited to post the next chapter so it should be up very soon! Have a good day!


	3. Promise

After his father’s death, the Maitos seemed to pass through town much more often than they had before. Kakashi assumed this was intentional, and their subtle way of checking on him to make sure he was okay by himself. He _was_ okay, mostly, and he wasn’t alone exactly. 

The banker wasn’t the one placed in charge of the hotel and a new man named Jiro had been sent. He was tall with a long beard, and he made Kakashi work hard. Jiro did hire a cook, which alleviated some of Kakashi’s responsibilities, but he still had to do all of the cleaning and washing, in short, everything his father used to do, while Jiro sat behind the front desk and read a book. 

Because he was busier that he used to be, whenever Gai passed through town they pretty much only spent time in the hotel. They could no longer spend whole days in the village or playing in the forest, but Kakashi still enjoyed the time they spent together. Gai helped him around the hotel as much as possible, even though Kakashi always told him he didn’t have to. Whole years passed like that, in a content sort of busyness. 

Kakashi remembered the day it happened. It was humid, and the two of them were in the backyard doing laundry, sweating under the summer sun. Kakashi hung sheets from the laundry lines that stretched across the yard while Gai sat on a large stone, scrubbing a collection of pillowcases on the ribbed washboard between his knees. They switched jobs every once in a while, and passed the time talking and laughing; Gai had an impersonation of Jiro which Kakashi thought was both hilarious and painfully accurate. 

At sixteen, Gai had just started making deliveries by himself. Kakashi was a year younger, but had long ago stopped considering himself to be a child. The _moment_ , as it came to be immortalized in Kakashi’s memory, was caused by a single flare of light, flashing through the air the way a mirror catches and reflects the flame of a candle. It made Kakashi look up, but of course there was no mirror. It was the gleam of sweat and soap on Gai’s arms, shining in the sun as they moved up and down over the washboard, glossy and strong like a wet stone. 

Transfixed, Kakashi stared at him from afar. It was an awakening, and he heard the force of it like it was something physical, something he could touch with his hands. It was a thundering chorus, it was the clash of cymbals. It was the halo of light, which couldn’t possibly be real but was real in Kakashi’s eyes, hovering over top of Gai’s head. It was something he should have seen coming. He felt his heart stop, he needed water. His blood grew thicker and he couldn’t breathe. 

Gai glanced up and saw him staring. He looked concerned and held up a soggy pillowcase. “Am I doing it wrong?” 

“N-No, it’s fine.” Kakashi quickly hung up the sheet and hid his face behind it. 

After that day, Kakashi began to dislike the confines of Gai’s profession. Every time Gai left the inn, stepping cheerfully into the street and early morning sunlight, Kakashi wondered when he was going to be back. He crossed off days on a calendar, he tried to predict when Gai would return, he ran to the door every time it chimed. Whenever Gai was away for a particularly long time, Kakashi began to think about the other people Gai met during his travels, and wondered if Gai was friends with other skinny innkeepers in other small towns. Each time Gai returned he was noticeably changed, noticeably older, with a stronger jaw and darker eyes. Kakashi supposed that he must have changed too; he had grown a lot, and even though he was still shorter than Gai, it wasn’t by as much as it used to be. Even so, he never thought his own changes were as drastic as Gai’s, and certainly weren’t as breathtaking. His work around the hotel was just enough to keep him skinny, but not enough to make him strong, and certainly not enough give him arms that were muscular and warm, like the ones he dreamed were around him every night. 

A year passed like that, and Kakashi hung his whole life on a period of barely eighteen hours once every few weeks. It was a year of shy glances and holding his breath, a year that felt futile. 

The following summer, a main bridge leading to the Land of Earth was closed for maintenance and their small town was flooded with travelers seeking an alternative route. The inn was booked full almost every evening, and Kakashi was kept busy with the constant flow of guests. Even Jiro was busy, and he had to haul luggage and fold sheets right alongside Kakashi. 

Gai came during the second week of this chaos, and when Kakashi was busy delivering extra blankets to a guest upstairs, Jiro turned Gai away. Kakashi came back downstairs just in time to see Gai leaving. He rushed out the door after him, tripping on the last step and earning a disapproving glare from Jiro. Gai hadn’t made it very far down the street, and when Kakashi caught up with him he grabbed him by the arm a little harder than he had meant to. He let go, feeling embarrassed. 

“Where are you going?” 

Gai made a small gesture back to the hotel. “You’re full,” he said it kindly, with a smile, “don’t worry, it’s warm, I can sleep outside.” 

Kakashi knew he was right, even though the sun had just sunk below the horizon it was still hot outside, and the sky was clear. But Gai had been away for three weeks, and the thought of him leaving again gave Kakashi a boldness that he did not usually possess. 

“Come in through the back door,” he said, “I’ll sneak you up to my room, you can sleep on the couch.” 

Gai looked surprised. “Are you sure?” 

“Of course,” Kakashi said, already walking away, leading the way in a wide circle around to the back of the hotel. He didn’t look back, but trusted that Gai was behind him. He stuck his head inside the back door, checking to see if Jiro was anywhere nearby, and then gestured for Gai to follow him. They were lucky that the dining room was packed with people eating dinner, and they were able to slip easily up the stairs. When they reached the second floor, Kakashi heard Jiro calling for him to come help carry more food out of the kitchen. 

“We should hurry,” Kakashi said, leading Gai up another flight of stairs and down a long hallway. He unlocked the door and held it open. “I won’t be able to come up for a while still, I have to clear away dinner and help wash the dishes.” 

Gai turned to look at him, his eyes wide with gratitude. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Jiro called for Kakashi again and he heard the sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs. 

“No it’s fine, Jiro will get mad if he sees you. I’ll try to hurry.” He shut the door and whipped around just as Jiro appeared at the top of the stairs. 

“Sorry,” he said, “I-I had to go to the bathroom.” 

Jiro squinted at him suspiciously. “Just get back down to the kitchen.” 

Kakashi nodded and hurried away, trying not to appear nervous. 

It was almost three hours before he was finally able to return to his room. Dinner had ended in a timely manner, but he had to wash all the dishes and wait for Jiro to go to bed so that he could bring some leftover food up for Gai. At first Kakashi had been impatient and tried to get all his work done quickly, but now he just felt tired. He could see the moon hanging high in the sky as he finally climbed the stairs back up to his room. 

He knocked once on the door before he inserted the key and turned the handle. Gai had fallen asleep on the couch, which was much too small for him, and was curled in a ball with his knees up by his chest. As Kakashi walked across the room, he suddenly felt very embarrassed; all the little gifts and trinkets that Gai had ever brought him were blatantly displayed all over the room, on the bookshelf, on the windowsill, and on his bedside table. Kakashi did his best to hide them all inside his desk drawer before he approached the couch. 

Gai hadn’t stirred and was still sleeping deeply, with his hair splayed all over his forehead and his dark eyelashes kissing the top of his cheekbones. Kakashi tried not to think about him sleeping like that in other places, in other hotels, and didn’t allow himself to stare at Gai for too long. He touched Gai’s shoulder, feeling the firmness of the muscles beneath his shirt. He gently shook him awake. Gai’s eyes opened slowly, blinking away his tiredness. 

“Hey,” Kakashi said, “I’m sorry to wake you, but I brought you this.” He held out the plate of leftovers. 

Gai sat up quickly, taking the plate and setting it on his lap. “Thank you.” 

Kakashi sat beside him on the couch. “Sorry it took so long.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Gai said, "Jiro makes you work pretty hard, doesn’t he?” 

Kakashi nodded. “It’s worse now than usual, because we’re so busy.” He hesitated. “Next year the loan will be paid off though, and the inn will be mine.” 

Gai looked up at him, holding a piece of bread in his hand. “That’s great! It’s what you’ve always wanted.” It was dark in the room, but Kakashi could see the brightness of Gai’s smile. “Do you have big plans for when you’re in charge?” 

“I haven’t really had time to think about it yet.” Kakashi looked down at his hands. “I don’t think much will change.” 

Gai placed the empty place on the floor. “I think we’re both lucky,” he said, “we both figured out what we wanted to do really early in life.” 

Kakashi looked at him sideways and tried not to focus on the fact that their knees were touching. He spoke softly, “So you think you’ll want to deliver messages forever?” A guilty, selfish part of him hoped not, but Gai nodded. 

“I know a lot of people probably think what I do isn’t that important, and I guess a lot of the time it isn’t, but I deliver lots letters that help keep people connected with their family and loved ones.” Gai turned to look at him, his eyes shining like a flare sent out against the midnight sky. “If someone has to wait an extra day for their letter because I made a mistake or got delayed somehow, well I imagine they must feel a lot like how I feel when I have to wait an extra day to pass through this town and see you.” Gai gave a small shrug and smiled. “I don’t want to make anyone feel that way.” 

Kakashi felt his blood bubble up, like his heart was beating frantically but drowning at the same time. He felt both ecstatic and furious, because Gai made _him_ feel that way by always being away. But he didn’t say any of that. Instead, Kakashi kissed him, and he didn’t mean to. Gai was just sitting so close and speaking so softly, his lips moving in small tremors, and it was the easiest thing in the world for Kakashi to lean forward. It was only a few inches, just a small incline of his neck, and he closed his eyes. He felt the heat of skin that was not his own, the gentle tension of another's flesh, before the horror of what he had done sank deep into his bones. He was about to pull away, was about to apologize, but then he felt Gai’s hand on his face, holding him there. Gai kissed him back, his lips heavy and warm. He tasted like the sand of Suna, like the forest of Konoha, like the dewy mist of Kiri. He tasted like faraway places that Kakashi had never been, never needed to go to, because he had Gai with him now. 

He felt Gai lean away and Kakashi opened his eyes. Gai’s cheeks were red and he spoke in a whisper. “I’ve been so scared to tell you.” 

Kakashi suddenly found himself unable to look Gai in the eyes. Instead he leaned against him. “I miss you when you’re gone.” He only mumbled it, and it was an understatement, but it was all he could say. 

Gai hugged him, and it was different than it had been every time before. Kakashi felt a strong hand grip his lower back and tender fingers run through his hair. He closed his eyes and cherished the feeling of Gai’s breath, hot and wet against his neck. Kakashi could only hold him loosely in return. After a few minutes he extracted himself slowly and stood up, holding out his hand. 

Gai took hold of it and looked up at him. “Where are we going?” 

“Do you really want to sleep on the couch?” Kakashi asked. He felt heat creep into his cheeks. "We can share the bed." 

Gai’s eyes grew wide and he let Kakashi guide him across the room to the small bed by the window. He followed slowly, and Kakashi knew that Gai was letting him take the lead. It was a responsibility he did not yet know how to wield, but he tried his best to feign a skill far beyond his ability. 

It felt surreal to sink into the pillows and look up at the moonlight falling in strange shadows across Gai’s face. Kakashi felt Gai's hands on his waist and they kissed again, quiet and soft, and he knew that they were both holding back. Kakashi's pale hands were shaking, and he couldn’t bring himself to touch Gai anywhere below his bellybutton, or run his fingers beneath the hem of his shirt. Instead they fell asleep, their chests rising and falling at the same time, their breath arriving in the exact same vibrations. 

* 

Kakashi awoke when the sun was barely rising, stirred to consciousness by the sound of Gai moving around the room. Seeing that he was awake, Gai spoke quietly, his voice laced with sadness. 

“I should go before Jiro wakes up.” 

Kakashi sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking heavily. Gai was standing over the bed, already wearing his shoes. Kakashi avoided his gaze so that he wouldn’t say any of the selfish things that he felt. The bed dipped as Gai stooped to kiss him again, long and sweet. He pressed their foreheads together and looked into Kakashi's eyes. 

“I don’t know what I should say.” Gai whispered. “I don’t want to leave.” 

Kakashi took a deep breath. His words were short, but they held a great meaning. “Just come back.” 

Gai kissed him on the forehead. “I will always come back.” 

Kakashi reached for Gai’s hand and locked only their index fingers. He held them up and looked at Gai seriously, right in the eyes. Neither of them spoke, but they both knew it was a promise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3
> 
> This chapter was so lovely to write, but of course things can't stay perfect forever /side eye/. I'm not used to writing fics with chapters this short and it makes me kind of nervous, so I really appreciate everyone who has left comments and kudos so far <3 Until next time!
> 
> Also I was listening to 8tracks playlists for long distance relationships and [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=425GpjTSlS4) made me laugh because of how painfully relevant it is.


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